A Look Back

When I was twelve and chopping wood, I remember fantasizing about killing Mr. Morgan and his wife. They were my neighbors. They were my abusers. I broke down in tears of confusion and horror. I didn’t know why I was having these thoughts. I was still in denial about my abuse. Shortly after this experience, I discovered alcohol. Alcohol made me feel better. Alcohol made me forget. It worked for a while. Around the same, I discovered working out and playing football also helped. After high school, I went to college to play football. While playing football, I sustained a spinal injury. Afterwards I got in trouble for drinking and had to go to alcohol classes were they suggested I start counseling. This was the best thing that ever happened to me. Within in a few sessions the abuse started to surface. My counselor suggested that I start seeing another consoler who specialized in child abuse. I saw this new consoler for almost four years on a weekly bases. During this time I read every book I could find on human sexuality, sexual abuse, religion, and philosophy.  I also became very involved in a campus organization called “Choices”. This was a group that helped educate students to live healthy life styles. There were two things I did that I felt were very important to me and others. One was starting “Varaw” Violence Acquaints Rape Awareness Week, which is still active at my university. The second was a series of painting with short stories that was shown in the main gallery. Threw all of this I went from a victim to a survivor.