At once I am compelled, from a state of convoluted confusion, to make sense of the sexual abuse of children. And to make sense of my sexual abuse. This ‘sense’ seems to be far outside the realms of my understanding and lends itself with tact to the confusion I am possessed of. A confusion stemming from the questions: why children are being sexually abused? Why isn’t the sexual abuse stopping? Will it ever stop? When meditating on this topic with mindful broad strokes, I, of course, wind up in the same place I started. A place of not knowing.
The sexual abuse of children is one of the greatest epidemics of human history. And as I continue to unravel all that has transpired within the context of myself, Allen, Cheryl, and ‘Childhood Fractured’ our project, and its relation to the universal epidemic of sexual abuse, I fall victim to exasperation. I write this with heavy hands. I have no certainty as to why children are being sexually abused. What a frightening place to be.
Contemporary society has achieved so much. Contemporary has achieved so little. This work has brought me into the beginning of knowing. I am now possessed of a more thorough understanding of the sexual abuse of children and its societal context. This is a harrowing dilemma. No matter what talents I or others may be possessed of, ending the sexual abuse of children will not happen in our lifetime. At times, when self-doubt attempts to get the best of me, it would have me revert to a state of ignorance on this topic. How easy would it be to continue with life in this way? I am finding ignorance truly is bliss. I suppose we all trudge through the trenches of adulthood, reverting, going about this life in straight lines accruing what needs to be accrued on the way.
I can never unlearn what I have learned through working on this project. And as one of the co-captains of this ship, I must find humility in the prospect of sinking into the murky waters of public ignorance. We will navigate these waters as best we can. We will find land, as it were, but the nights are dark, the waters are dark, and we cannot yet see the sun. We know it is there. And I wish us Godspeed, for I know in my heart of hearts, we will need it.
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